Serve, Coach, Lead Newsletter #6: Be A Man

Before Christmas I read the book, "Season of Life: A Football Star, a Boy, a Journey to Manhood" by Jeffrey Marx. It was recommended by Dr. Scott Bryan, the Kinesiology and Sports Management department chair at Emmanuel College. I read this book as I worked through a Sports Psychology course taught by Dr. Bryan.

"Season of Life" is an incredible story that features Joe Ehrmann, former defensive lineman for the Baltimore Colts. It follows a season of high school football at the Gilman School in Baltimore. Ehrmann served as the defensive coordinator for head coach Biff Poggi for twelve seasons.

The author of the book, Jeffrey Marx had just finished sixth grade when he met Joe Ehrmann as the ball boy for the Baltimore Colts. To summarize, Marx grew up and became an author and journalist. When he began writing a story about the Baltimore Colts and their soon to be demolished Memorial Stadium, Marx started reaching out to players for interviews. He reconnected with Ehrmann, and decided to spend time with his Gilman football team in the fall of 2001.

This book is an incredible story, and I would highly recommend it for any leader. I believe it has the potential to have an even greater impact on any father, brother, husband, or leader of young men. This is simply because of how Ehrmann discusses masculinity with Marx during their weekly meetings throughout the course of the book.

Ehrmann outlines the three lies of masculinity that society tells boys as they grow up.

The first component of false masculinity is athletic ability. As young boys, the ones that can throw the best spiral or score the most points in pickup basketball are elevated as a little bit better or more "masculine" than others.

The second component of false masculinity is sexual conquest. As young men get into high school, their "masculinity" is defined by who can bring the most girls around them. The boys who use girls to boost their ego are somehow pointed at as what it means to be a man.

The third component of false masculinity is economic success. As men grow older, their "masculinity" is based off of their salary, job title, and status. A man's possessions define his success as a person.

Let me reiterate, all three aspects of false masculinity are lies that are told by society. Ehrmann outlines these lies because he believes that they set men up for failure in life. The constant comparison and competition with others leaves men feeling empty.

So, what is the answer? If these are the lies being told to young boys from the time they enter elementary school, how can we switch the narrative and show young men what it means to "be a man?"

Coach Poggi and Ehrmann stressed with their players throughout the book to "be a man built for others."

The two aspects of a person's life that Ehrmann believes matter most are:

1. Relationships

2. Living for a transcendent cause

The relationships that someone builds with others over the course of their life is a true representation of how well a person lives.

Living for a transcendent cause involves having a purpose beyond oneself. We will dive more into this next week, but having a reason to live beyond acquiring basic needs is an important aspect of a person's journey.

While I understand that the three lies of masculinity apply primarily to men, these are concepts that can be applied to anyone that is under your leadership. If you lead young men, help them understand that there is more to their self worth than athletic talent, their dating experiences, and the money in their bank account. Living for others, creating meaningful relationships, and living for a purpose bigger than themselves is where they will find true fulfillment.

P.S.

I love watching introductory press conferences for new coaches. Often times, you can predict the success of a coach within a certain organization by studying how they describe their vision for the program. Last month, Biff Poggi was name the head football coach at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte. Click here to watch Poggi's press conference.

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Thank you for your support, and I look forward to connecting with you all next week.

God Bless!