Serve, Coach, Lead Newsletter #15: Why Are You the Way You Are?

What is the hardest part about being a leader?

Many would say that decision-making is most difficult aspect of leadership. We are never going to please everyone with the choices that we make. Others may say that the responsibility of being a leader is the most demanding.

While these are true, a conversation with my head coach Jeff Kilgore this week brought to light one of the most important (and difficult) parts about coaching:

To understand where people come from, and how their past experiences impact who they are and what they do.

As leaders we often think that those we lead do not conform to our standards out of rebellion. If a player doesn't hustle or follow team rules, they must not like us as a leader and therefore test the boundaries of our expectations.

Coach Kilgore pointed out that oftentimes this is not the case. People act the way they do because of the life experiences and influences that they have had. Working to understand what people have gone through in their lives is one of the most essential duties of a coach.

Sometimes, we may be the first person in their life that has held them to a higher expectation.

The question is, how do we understand where people come from? How do we observe their behavior through an objective lens so that our bias does not interfere with our decisions?

The first step is creating a relationship. Get to know your people beyond their capabilities within their sport or profession. Ask more questions, and allow them to explain why they feel and act the way they do.

This will give us insight into how they think, and what processes they go through when making decisions. It will also help us understand how they developed their daily habits.

This week I encourage you to meet the people around you where they are. If they are having a hard time adhering to your expectations, dig a little deeper to find the underlying reasons.

Our people need guidance and someone who wants to understand who they are. Those that need direction just need help making conscious efforts toward improvement. People crave structure, and if you can provide this structure while fostering your personal relationship with them, you have a recipe for success.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this week's newsletter. As mentioned before, I would love for this to be an interactive experience for each of us. Please share any comments, questions, or feedback that you may have. Also, if you know of anyone that would benefit from these emails, please send them this link to sign up.

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If you would like to reread last week's newsletter, you can find it here.

Thank you for your support, and I look forward to connecting with you all next week.